Dear Dad
by Kakarot Son
Summary: AU: I used to look up to you...


_You know, you used to be my hero? I used to look up to your ass; I used to believe in you. Then you left us, again. You left mum again. You left me again. But you didn't leave half-assed, no, you left us a baby to manage on top of all that._

_Do you know how hard it was to watch Goten grow up? Mum going more and more insane by the moment, a little boy having to witness all that._

_I used to defend you, dad. I used to love you dad; I think you used to love me too. Every time mum started off about how much of a sleazebag you were, I'd defend you. You were my fucking idol…_

_Every night I saw mum with a bottle drinking away the sorrow, every night I saw her losing the will to live… every night I saw her grow weaker and weaker. Then Goten came along. He looked so much like you – I hated it. Mum said he was just like you _used_ to be… does that mean that he'll become an uncaring, lying asshole?_

_You made me fight Cell, I wasn't even a teenager. The world's life on the line… how could you? Why didn't you make yourself stronger? You were meant to be the guy that was always there for me… but I guess not. The truth came out pretty quick. Bastard._

_Do you know how deep those scars ran? You let me kill you and then rubbed it into my face. You could've come back… I made my mistakes but I was eleven, that didn't mean you needed to leave us and run off._

_For _seven_ years… seven _fucking_ years. I grew up every day, blaming myself for everything. Maybe I'd kill Goten too?_

_We ran out of money pretty quick, you weren't there to do anything about it. Did you ever have to take care of your baby brother and insane mum at the same time? No. Instead you killed your grandfather._

_… Gohan. You killed Gohan, and I killed you. I would've laughed if I actually did… no, I didn't._

_You let yourself die. I could've stopped it, but I was eleven. I didn't know what was going on! But you, you chose not to come back. I did stupid things, but it was true that you didn't care for us._

_Do you know how many birthdays I cried on? On every damn one of them, I wished that you were here. You didn't come back, hell you were probably looking down upon us, laughing. Christmas was even worse; mum went ballistic on every single one._

_You never had a dad, but you never tried to be one either. Fuck, you never were one. You ran off the first chance you got, and I bet you were dancing when Cell sent you over to otherworld. No son you never wanted, and no wife you didn't give two shits about._

_You just caused more pain, more and more pain. And you knew you would… Do you know how hard it was… facing mum that night? At least Piccolo was there for me. He was the one carrying me home, over his shoulder. Not you. You decided you liked the afterlife more than your own family._

_For that matter, Piccolo was always more of a father than you ever were. He was there, as soon as you took off… every time you took off, he was around. He even died for me. Not that planet, just for me. Because he actually cared for me…_

_I might have been able to forgive you after you came back. It took a fighting tournament to drag your pathetic excuse for a face here, and probably only the prospect of fighting with Vegeta. Of course you'd spend the only twenty-four hours of possible attainment you had, fighting. That was just like you._

_The chance to fight in the ring… it interested you more than getting to know your now-eighteen year old son, or the seven year old son you'd never seen before. Or even spending any of that time with mum. No that, was beyond you._

_Do you understand how much you've hurt us?  
If you'd gotten that proper match with Vegeta, you probably would've returned, content. But no, you didn't; so you stuck around._

_You ended up coming back eventually… and things were almost good. Except it was too late. By that point, I wasn't a kid anymore. I was a grown man, eighteen and I'd met the love of my life._

_I grew up and moved out pretty quick, and you still really didn't even try to get to know me. All you did was fight, day in, day out. If you couldn't fight, you'd train. I'm surprised mum even put up with your bullshit then… she welcomed you back in, right away._

_But you betrayed that again. Screwing up our family by only that much was too little for you. No… ten years later, you left again. What for this time? Nothing could top being dead, right?_

_No, you did it again. You went out to go and train fucking Buu reincarnated. That would've been okay, if you hadn't vanished off the face off the Earth. You never visit…_

_I'd visit you, but I'm not sure that I could handle seeing your stupid face again. You know, Pan's grown up without knowing her grandfather either? That makes me, Goten _and_ her._

_If you ever come near me, or my family… I will kill you._

___… _Because you're dead as a dad to me.


End file.
